Greetings from Sleep Deprivation Land! Population 3!
This post is not destined to be long or terribly coherent as Lily will NOT settle at night and has been finally falling off into a completely exhausted sleep between 11.30 and midnight. If we are having a really shabby night she then wakes again around 3 for another feed and then Amelia might wake us with a nightmare or her usual early morning cheerful chatter. All this compounded with the heat and I am feeling utterly shattered.
Lily, who was once “Our perfect little sleeper” has now become wired and hysterical in the evenings. She might fall asleep in our arms (as she has always done! Naughty us, I know) but then as soon as she is gently put into her cot her eyes snap open, her arms start jerking and her mouth twists open into that huge wide open chasm of WHAA-WHAA-WHHHAAAA. And after that? She utterly refuses to settle.
… ugh… sorry, I am having trouble stringing these sentences together.
Two nights ago Big-P and I decided we might try a little “controlled comforting” but we couldn’t go through with it. I can’t remember how we managed with Amelia but hearing our little baby scream and scream made me feel quite physically ill. It lasted three minutes before we caved… I left an SOS message on my Maternal Child Health Nurse’s message machine yesterday hoping she would get back to me with some advice but she had obviously taken an early Friday… I just can’t imagine how we will ever get her to go to sleep on her own.
Any thoughts? I don’t want this to turn in to a Ferber vs. anti-ferber debate, but I would really like to know what worked for … um… anyone!
And this has only been going on for four nights! I know some people endure it for months… I don’t know how.
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And quickly I want to mention that sign-ups for the new Mini-swap close today over at Mommycoddle. We’re signed up and ready to create and package.
And don’t forget to bid for beautiful items at the Kim Family Auction.
50 replies already, I’m reluctant to add to the advice but it did work for us.
The one thing I did, no matter where we were, was stick to our routine. 6pm dinner, 7pm bath and 7.30 bottle and bed, at this feed there was no talking or any form of stimulation. Then into a dark bedroom with no lamps, no talking and as Kylie earlier suggested, wrapped firmly in a blanket ( obviously not these 35′ hot days for the blanket). I never put on lamps or music, I didn’t speak other than to kiss and say goodnight. I also rolled them on their side to face the wall, sounds a bit mean but they don‚Äôt see you leave.
I only returned after I could hear any distress in the crying, a good 5 minutes. Then no lifting out of the cot, just a firm lay down and patting until the crying stopped, no talking just patting. Leave as soon as the crying stopped.
I understand completely what a very hard time it is for emotional, sleep deprived parents, but try not to put her in bed with you, that is an even harder habit to break.
Good habits and bad habits take three days for a child to developed. so hopefully a good night sleep by Wednesday! Good Luck.
http://www.lullabub.com.au/
it looks fantastic! I have’
nt got one…..yet!
Oh, so crappy Claire, hang in there, I feel for you! My twins went through that this time last year at 5 months. We found that poor sleep habits in the day greatly affect the night.. we read Healthy Sleep Habiits, Happy Child; Dr. Marc Weissbluth. Found it struck a good balance between the cry out and soothing, both at either extreme don’t seem to be good for anyone. Nice specific steps to follow too, and science & encouragement (you can read while Lilly is crying for you), why you should stick it out 3 more minutes. Once we started timing naps with only 3 hour maximum of wakefulness, their night sleep dramatically improved. Now, at 15 months, (while having two 1 hr. naps per day) we put on a CD of classical music, give a sucky, blanky and teddy in the Exact same order, say g’night and close the door, pitch black room. They fall asleep or chatter to each other in the dark.. but no fuss whatsoever. Been doing this since 5 months, and just walked out the door the first few times. Crying lasted with Erica only, 12 minutes, 3 nights. (she can be hollering and her twin brother be sound asleep!) Hope you can farm both kids out for a few hours in the day and muster the self-love to NAP instead of scrub floors and sort out clothes that are too small, etc. Hugs to you all from this side of the planet, eh.
I can see you’ve had plenty of advice. Knowing that we needed some help with Romy (child no 2) we got someone in to support us in the form of an ex-sleep centre nurse who was so kind and compassionate but able to support and get the job done (she mainly talked about routine). It worked for us… good luck!
I bet those foam hand thingys are looking better and better!
Drugs always work! Benadryl for her, wine for you!
Mine are 22 & 16 now so I can’t remember what I did…probably because I drank too much wine.
Our Lily would sleep in our arms and then awake from the change in temp – from body to sheet. So we used to put a gentle warm pack on her sheet for a second or two and take the shock of the change away. This helped a little. Then at 3 months we started a Gine Ford like routine! Helps us still 2 years later! Good Luck!
None of my babies were sleepers unless I slept with them, I was able to nurse in the night without waking up after awhile. During these roughest no sleep times, go to bed when they do and nap when they do! How well I remember that sick exhaustion uggghhhh. God be with you.
Before our daughter came along, I was convinced we would never co-sleep; she, on the other hand, apparently had other plans! It quickly became clear she wouldn’t tolerate a cr1ib, and I ended up falling asleep every night with her in my arms. In our bed. Where she– at 15 months old– continues to sleep every night.
And I’m not saying this is the way to go for every family, but it turns out that we all sleep better this way, and that’s important to us– we’re all ogres without enough shut-eye! Safety precautions are important (no spaces between the mattress and wall, no heavy comforters, no impairment on the part of the parents, etc.), but as long as they’re followed I feel we have (for our family) the ideal sleeping arrangement. My only lament is that we have a crib collecting dust in storage, LOL! Perhaps I should use it to hold all the diapers…
Hi Claire. I check in on your site ocassionally to see how you all are. We’re getting clucky, so this conversation intrigued me, but then my pharmacist mind clicked in. Don’t use Phenergan. It is not recommended for use in children under two years. Also, there are ongoing debates and concerns re SIDS and the use of Phenergan. Not really something I;d like to try on anyone I love. And, the lady who mentioned the alertness was correct. Some children can become incredibly alert from drowsy antihistamines. Try all of the other techniques before you thing of anything like this.
Love to your family
Amanda
Hi Claire, non-sleepers are so hard for the whole family. I hope you find something that works. We tried sleep school – Grey Sisters (really, really awful) and Tweddle (excellent) also I think City of Whitehorse runs classes. Patting baby’s bum rythmically, gently but firmly with cupped hand while shooshing and making voice and contact slower and softer helped. We were told not to get baby to sleep, but to put her to bed at the just-about-to-nod-off stage. Theory is that if you put bub to sleep and then remove the associated comfort/trick (being held, song, feed etc), if she startles or isn’t fully out then she’ll wake up and can’t resettle without the whatever. In theory, if you calm her down and put her to bed drowsy but conscious she’ll go to sleep and stay that way – she can resettle herself. There are no end of theories and experts, best of luck.
I have two children, our first never slept much. He would have two 45 minute day sleeps and then wake every two hours at night. We found that he needed to be taught how to fall asleep on his own so that if he woke during the night he could put himself back to sleep. Anyway, couldn’t do the controlled crying so a health nurse suggested the withdrawal method. We started my nursing him to sleep (like we had always done) but in his room with the lights off. We did this for a couple of nights and then the next two nights we put him in his cot and patted him to sleep. Next two nights we held his hand, then the next two or so nights we sat next to the cot until he went to sleep. Once he was falling asleep like that we would stand at the door until finally we could put him in his cot and he would put himself to sleep. (At times each process could take up to half an hour or so.) It’s a slow process but it worked for us, we started this when he was about 6 months old. He is now 7 and has slept well since. (Although occasionally he will still ask if we will sit on his bed until he goes to sleep!) Hope this helps, good luck!
i watched this show on channel 9 a couple of months ago called ‘look who’s talking’ hosted by ray martin about a woman who studies babies and has worked out a system to understand the different baby cries and what you can do to meet the babies needs. it was really interesting and made sense. could be worth a try! hope you get some restful sleep soon.
http://www.dunstanbaby.com/
I have no great advice, except to say that I reckon babies are programmed. Some arrive programmed to adopt a sleeping routine, some arrive very definitely not programmed to do so. My qualification for saying this? I had twins and one was a screamer and one was a sleeper. They never got into the same routine no matter what I did. Even the nurses in the hospital told me Alice would be a problem sleeper – and that was when she was only days old. She didn’t sleep properly until she was three. Now she’s 13 and can sleep for England (and we let her). Whereas Tom was a sleeper but now finds he can’t sleep as well as his twin – even when he needs it. It all changes, all the time.
Phoebe (number 3) was a great baby sleeper but once she got to age two she started waking ridiculously early and that went on for years.
It’s only in the last couple of years that all five of us have finally got enough sleep. And we tried almost every solution. So I’d say just keep going and get a break whenever you can. It all sounds perfectly normal – unfortunately.
Good luck.
My baby Lilja (5mo) is doing exactly the same thing, I empathise!! I recon its teeth (and a bit of a cold)
How awful. I really hope things improve soon. One of my friends swear by a rocking chair…x
Wow, I should’ve written my comment when I first read your post. Now I’m back and I see you have had all kinds of great suggestions. I feel I just have to add mine since I have 4 kids and one on the way, and each one has been different. What has worked best was what we discovered when #4 was about 3 months old. It was the “5 Ss” technique described in Happiest Baby on the Block. Swaddle(wrap tightly – in summer we used a very light piece of fabric), Side holding, Shhhh (white noise from you or FM radio static), Swing (in your arms or baby swing), Sucking (pacifier). We did not use all 5 ideas, but the swaddling and shh-ing were favorites. She had a Soothie pacifier and also used a Snoedel. http://www.snoedel.com/snoedelset.htm
The very best of sleepy wishes to you, dear!
Hi Claire,
I have a 3 month old who is not as good of a sleeper as our now 4 year old. After some recommendations from friends to read the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby. I have found it to be of GREAT assistance in helping my husband and I try to establish good sleep habits early on. Good luck! Michelle
looks like you have a lot of advice…
here’s my 2cents…I’m not sure if your oldest naps or what your routine is, but this worked for us:
a routine which included a nap until at least all 3 of mine were at least 3.5.
THEN a planned bedtime- ours is 8:30. For the most part, we follow it! Obviously if there are social events we don’t look at our watches and leave, but for the most part we have a pretty lame social life.
For our bedtime routine we read 2 books and then off to bed- and yes, we absolutely have to do it! My 8 year old still looks forward to our time.
I totally feel you pain. That’s one of the hardest things about having kids (especially young ones!). It’s also hard to establish to your kids you “mean business”, but it’s super important for YOUR sanity.
And of course, consistency is probably the magic trick! Hopefully sweet dreams will return!
When she is in the cot, soothe her without picking her up. Yes, it will seem impossible at first if she is thrashing about, rolling back and forth, and/or screaming. But just keep pat pat patting her on the back. Gentle rubs. THEN bring out the BIG GUN: the ear massage. Yes, the miraculous wonderful beautiful ear massage. If her head stops moving long enough, just keep gently rubbing and swirling your finger inside the folds in her ear. This has worked so well for me, doing some soothing without picking up. My daughter eventually gets so drowsy that she nods off to sleep–gradually she needs less and less intervention from me.
have you tried a “zaky hand”?
Hi you poor thing. I had the Sleeper From Hell, and the crying of “controlled comforting” felt ALL WRONG. We were saved by Elizabeth Pantley’s book, The No Cry Sleep Solution. She’s got beautiful gentle methods of settling your baby without any crying needed. See http://www.pantley.com to read tips and buy her book.
I noticed that someone here has suggested giving Lily Phenergan (an antihistamine with sedative properties). Please DON’T try this! My mother gave me Phenergan throughout my childhood, to ‘help’ me sleep, and it not only gave me chronic nightmares but completely messed up my ability to get to sleep naturally. I’m still dealing with the aftermath (and I’m 35). There are also a range of more serious potential side effects from Phenergan, that I won’t list here. It should never ever be given to a baby.
Best of luck with the sleeping, Claire. Warmest of wishes from Toronto.
Claire, my sympathies – I have 5 week old twins and one is a good sleeper and one isn’t – most frustrating! I have been working with a mothercraft nurse who recommended an early evening routine of 4 pm feed, nappy change, play, then out in the pram at about 5 pm; when they get back, half a feed, then a bath, then wrap, the rest of the feed, then put them down. It works some of the time, tonight was a charm! So I have time to catch up on your site and read about sleepless babies!
Best of luck with Lily.
Hi,
my children are roughly the same ages as yours. I’ve recently put them in the same room to sleep and have found it sorts them both out. They need each other’s company. Sorry if someone else has mentioned this already.
hi claire,
we used the tweddle book ‘sleep right, sleep tight’ when our son was 4 months. they advocate a modified controlled crying – only 30 seconds of crying for babes under 6 months. otis is now a great sleeper, and i think doing the controlled crying early has made it easier to do it again on the odd occasion when needed. controlled crying is hard, but possible when you feel ready. best of luck to you, xox
I think Alison Biss has some good points. Our #2 was perfect until 5 and 1/2 months. It really wrecked me. She would scream for such a long time. 40 minutes one night, with the support of my husband and mother in law. We all just sat there amazed that she had the strength. She has grown to be a very determined and strong minded/stubborn little girl (2.5yrs). I new every floor board of her room that squeaked and how to turn the door handle so it wouldn’t make a sound. i cried a lot…and really wished I had spent more time focussing on my sleep when I could.
what about sleep school??
Have you tried sleeping on a matress in her room in desperation?
wouldn’t it be nice to have a right answer.
Although you cannot do this at 1 or 3 in the morning. If the 5pm arsenic hour is getting on top of you and an adult is home with you, go for a walk by yourself. Get out of the house for 10-15minutes.
My son is 6 months nd we’ve just had to use controlled crying to teach him to sleep. He used to be a great sleeper, but after travelling for Christmas he started waking up every hour. I didn’t want to let him cry, but I was so tired that I was worried about my ability to take care of him during the day. The first time was the hardest as he cried for 40 minutes, but every time after that he’s cried less and less. Five nights after we started he cried for a total of two minutes all night, so I’m happy we’ve done it now. He’s a lot happier during the day because he’s better rested so I don’t feel as guilty as I did originally. Good luck with whatever you try to do.
I think (if my memory serves me well) that my Cosi and your Lilly are nearly the same age.
Cosi just started doing this recently as well. She was sleeping thru the night for so long at at 6 months started waking up all over again. So hard!
I read somewhere that when babies have big milestones (Cosi started sitting up on her own, crawling and pulling herself up from crawling to sitting in literally 2 weeks time), they also have a sleep regression.
I think that was the case with my baby girl. It probably didn’t help that we did tons of traveling for the months of November and December. But once we got home for good and settled again, she’s finally started sleeping thru the nights again (nearly a month later)!
It stinks, I know, that i’m not giving you any good advice, but I have come from the future to tell you it will get better.
I can tell you that it’s not unusual for a baby’s sleep habits to change suddenly. It happened to us. After three weeks of utter hell, in which it felt like our lives were collapsing around us, we decided drastic measures were necessary. That meant no more holding/rocking to sleep. We did our bedtime routine, laid her in her crib awake, said a few signal words (night, night, it’s time to sleep) and left. She did not come out of the crib til morning. For as long as she cried, we went in for a 30-second comforting every 15 minutes. It worked so amazingly I cannot even tell you. Within 3 nights she was sleeping better than she ever had, and 8 months later, she still is. Getting a full night’s sleep, no matter how you achieve it, is not just better for you, it’s better for your baby.
We read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Weissbluth. It had great advice and anecdotes from other parents that gave us hope our little girl would finally learn to sleep on her own.
We chose to let her cry it out, but not for hours like other people in the book. After a few nights, she was back on track. She’s twenty months now and sleeps twelve to thirteen hours every night, with a two hour daily nap. She still wakes up and cries out sometimes, but she’s learned to put herself back to sleep without our help.
Even if you don’t agree with the methods that Dr. Weissbluth recommends, it’s helpful just to read about natural wake and sleep times. He talks about certain times of the day and night that babies are most wakeful and how to adjust the bedtime and naptime to compensate.
Good luck!
We had the same issues you have with Amelia – with our 3 year old son. We have one on the way so we knew we needed to do something fast or we would not be able to function. Plus he was quickly outgrowing his crib. We used the SupperNanny method. You stay in the room with your child anfter your usual bedtime roiutine – but shut-off. No talking or eye contact after goodnights. At first it felt strange – but my toddler got the message quickly – time for bed. Every other day I would move farther out of his room until I was sitting outside his door. If he got out of bed, I simply returned him without a word. We did have one tantrum night – but 2 weeks later – I have a toddler that goes to sleep on his own after kisses and stays in bed until 6:30am. I’ll take that any day over the daily 2 hour struggle we had been having. Now I am ready for number 2!
All the best – I truely know how hard this can be – stay strong and consistant and it seems to work relatively painlessly. All the best!
Claire,
We let our first cry it out and right now we’re doing the same with Sadie who is almost seven months old. She was doing well and hit six months and started to wake up again. Talked with her pediatrician and she doesn’t need to eat at night so her last feeding is around 10 at night- we make sure it’s a good big one, and then she doesn’t eat again until she wakes in the morning which can range from 8 to 10. If she wakes up at night we let her cry back to sleep. I have found she makes two different cries at night. One is the most common by far and it’s the wah wah wah I’m trying to get back to sleep cry. The other, which is VERY rare, happens only when something is wrong. The other night I heard it and instead of putting the earplugs on I went to check on her and sure enough she was wet. And I don’t mean her diaper had pee in it I mean her diaper leaked and her clothes were wet and everything. I don’t swaddle her because she’s a big time wriggler but I do tuck a blanket in tightly over her. If you’re seriously having trouble listening to her cry you can try playing music if it’s early. Like an iPod for instance. And if it’s in the middle of the night buy some ear plugs and keep them on your nightstand. And just make yourself feel better knowing your baby’s working out. Crying is the infant’s cardiovascular workout. Some times, they just need to do it just because. Crying it out was a thousand times harder with my first. Now it’s easier. Good luck. Sleep tight!
Well you can file me in the minority and I know others would file me under cruel and unusual.
I’m all about the nu-nu (aka Pacifier) granted if it falls out she might wake up and scream until it is put back (my own personal nightmare) but then we trained her for her naps to not want it so much. there’s always the “set a schedule” so the baby knows what is coming up. mine was a simple bath, diaper some snuggly while reading and then sleep (swadle baby at least first few nights so she still feels snuggly upon being laid into crib). during another hard time (when I too couldn’t handle the screaming) I did the tummy rub or hand hold so she would know I was there and then sit next to the crib so she could see me and then after a bit slowly edge out the room. As you can tell from the numerous attempts at sleeping what usually happened is the first night of trying something was miserable and then it worked for 2 or 3 days and then it wouldn’t any more and we had to think of something new.
Best wishes hope to see you in dreamland soon.
Hello! Also from way across the big blue ocean, I am from Florida. I have been following you for many years and periodically I check in to seen what your up to! Mostly to see the great little crafts and goodies you make.
With regards to the much needed sleep…I believe it this way:
My daughter did about the same thing…she always wanted to be held. We found that if we kept a very consistent and specific nighttime routine we slowly got her to get to sleep rather quickly. But we also learned that we had to stick with it as often as possible.
We would get jammies on, brush teeth, read a story and then lay her in her crib. Then we would softly rub or lightly tap her back for a few minutes and she would drift off to sleep. Each night we did a little less rubbing/tapping.
She is 5 years old now and she has a great bedtime routine. We do about the same routine too, except now we are done after the story.
I think of it this way, how long does it take me to fall asleep? It takes a while sometimes, but I have patience and self control. Children learn to have both over the course of their life. And sometimes I like to be cuddled by my hubby as I fall asleep.
So I believe by being as understanding and consisitent as possible we are teaching them how to calm themselves down. As we hold our children, we are giving them much needed love and reassurance.
Just be consistent and patient, and know that you are doing a great job!
Good Luck and Take Care!
Solutions to this problem…ah, we’ve been there and tried it all…sometimes it just takes time.
does she fall asleep in the car? we are naughty, too, and take off on jammie rides when our boys won’t sleep. we get coffee for us and listen to hypnotic music until they’re off.
sleep issues are the worst, but this too shall pass. ::hug::
Hi Claire,
Early on in the replies I think it was Jessica who suggested putting Lily to sleep early. From experience and reading I agree with her 100% As someone else said put her to sleep when she is mellow, happy and not necessarily looking tired…unless you know her tired signs. It is really important to get to know the early tired signs – she is tired and ready for bed when her head and arm control are a little jerkier than usual, eye rubbing, ear/nose rubbing, face snuffling. Try to get Lily to bed as soon as one of these signs are shown.
Is she about 8 months? At this stage babies go through a developmental change and are so much more aware of things going on around them. They are really interested and don’t want to miss a second of the fun and so they wear themselves out and go into sensory overload which is bad news for sleeping:-( Lily really needs 3 day time sleeps until about 10 months (maybe a short 3rd sleep in the late afternoon as she gets closer to 10 months) in addition to her night sleep and this should total about 14 hours sleep. As someone else has said ‘sleep begets sleep’ and if you put her to bed earlier she will get to sleep more easily as she won’t be overtired. When she is well rested she WILL go to sleep so much more easily and will sleep the 14 hours she needs and be the happiest little baby in the world again AND she will go to sleep with no tears. It will take a while for her to catch up on the sleep she needs so she will still be crying the first few early nights but once she is no longer overtired she will go off to sleep without a peep.
As crazy as this sounds, if she is very tired it is harder for her to go off to sleep and if she gets VERY tired then it really comes to point that there is nothing you as her mummy can do except hear her cry until she sleeps. When bubs are overtired it is really like a thunder storm that you have to weather as they are so overstimulated that they are not capable of falling to sleep without loads of crying – that is why sometimes a crying baby will be crying their little eyes out and suddenly fall to sleep mid cry. If Lily is only having 2 day time naps I think starting to soothe her for sleep at 6pm for a bedtime of 6:15/6;30 will help. You could use nursing as part of Lily’s 15 minute soothing routine but put her down DROWSY BUT AWAKE to fall asleep by herself.
Anyway, I hope you come to a solution very soon because being a tired mum is really hard, I feel for you. Good luck,
Tiff
PS You are probably too tired to read all your replies!!
I went and stayed in a hotel while my partner did controlled comforting – since I too found it quite sickening. One night and all was well! Bad sleep returned periodically after that and we later discovered she was prone to ear infections (though she had no other signs). She still sleeps bettter for D than me as a general rule, so there’s something to be said for making the rules clear. Also if you can, the residential program at Mitcham hospital is fabulous. I can’t believe I didn’t use this service with baby #1, and am ready to book in for baby #2 (due in Feb).
Hi! I’m delurking to comment on this one! I have a 5 yo, 3 1/2 yo, and a 1 yo. I’ve definetely been there! I feel your pain. Tracy Hogg’s Baby Whisper saved me. It’s hard work at first, but oh so worth it. Someone mentioned that falling asleep by yourself is a skill learned like potty training and whatnot. I totally agree and I believe the approach by Tracy Hogg helped me teach my lil ones that skill. Because they for the most part got it!! I still deal with sleep regressions to, but I have skills and practice -lots of practice. I recommend her books all the way!
I read the “No Cry Sleep Solution” which gave some helpful hints. However, my daughter is almost 3 and she still has trouble getting to sleep (but now sleeps through the night–I am so very thankful!). I hope this is just a short phase for you.
So sorry you’re all in zombie mode! That’s brutal w/ 2 kids (we’re ever so slowly growing out of it – mine are almost 4 yrs old and almost 1 yr old). As previous commenters have suggested, I very *very* enthusiastically recommend Moxie’s practical, reasonable sleep information (quick and dirty on sleep, sleep regressions, etc.) – please check it out. It’s good for the soul. Really.
Also, a few things that might be cropping up now that she’s nearing 7 months old:
(no really, this is incredibly gentle, effective, goes on all over the world, and I’ve seen it with my own eyes… blows me away every time – diaperfreebaby.org)
* teething (my lord, how teething doth disrupt sleep in our family! and you have no idea it’s coming, but there it is!)
* growth spurt (growing pains, hunger pangs, rapidly expanding awareness – doesn’t want to miss anything!)
* developmental stuff happening (is she quickly becoming more mobile?)
* if you’ve introduced solids, you know how that mucks with the internal pluming – possible intestinal discomfort could be keeping her awake… try holding her in a supported squat position – your hands under her thighs, gently holder her in knees-to-her-abdomen position, her back against your belly – helps get the gas out, and if you remove her nappy and hold her over the toilet and cue her with a little grunting sound, she may even go for you in the potty, then look very relieved and fall asleep not long thereafter
* again, if solids recently, disruption of sleep is one of the more insidious & under-recognized signs of a food sensitivity, so maybe think back on what she’s taking in recently?
Hoping for *all* of you that a large volume of sleep dust drifts dreamily over your house and gives everyone gratuitous amounts of much needed slumber.
Oh I am with you on this one!! I too have suffered 2 adorable non-sleepers. At present my 12 month old is back to waking every hour.
BUT there is hope. Our first co-slept and slept in a hammock (like the Amby Baby Hammock – highly recommend for babes who like to be rocked to sleep) and then just started sleeping through the night by herself when she started walking and eating more at around 15 months.
I also love the Dr. Sears book, and Elisabeth Pantley and Pinky McKay books. These books do not support the “controlled crying/comforting” methods and offer plenty of research and info as to why not to. Besides, as you found, it just feels wrong to let a little bub cry who needs mum/dad for whatever reason. They are only little for such a short time. Try to always keep in mind that this will pass, Lily will not always need you like she does now and most of all follow your instincts. Take Care
My little guy is our good sleeper until recently- we discovered he’s teething. I have to lay down with him until he is out and then I can be on my way.
I wish you the best of luck getting to the bottom of it.
I did sleep training and “controlled comforting” with my second child when she was 4 months. It worked but it took almost two weeks. The screaming was hard in the beginning and my BF slept in a diffrent room during that time. I think that the “hard core screaming” lasted for 4-5 days. After that it was bearable. And after a fortnight she slept like a baby all thru the nite
The trick is endurance, I think.
poor family. dear, dear. i’d give you a list of what works for us, i’d go on and on, but i’d be talking through my hat as we’ve had 3 completely different experiences with 3 completely different kids & i think it comes down to full confidence in whatever you decide to do. together. (can you alternate nights so that at least 1 parent can get a good sleep half the time?) please let us know what you decide– and try to think of this sleeplessness as a short-term thing from which you will emerge smiling and rosy on the other side.
What a great community you have here on your site. It’s nice to see this exchange of ideas on parenting. Just passing through… Good luck.
My oldest took an hour or more to fall asleep from day 1 and then would wake SEVERAL times a night for the first 2.5 years of her life. We tried evrything from herbs, homeopathy, diet, to lavendar baths (which made it worse). The one thing that finally helped was a chiropractic adjustment. After the first one she slept through the night for the first time in her little life. After a few more she was sleeping soundly every night up until abuot a year ago (she’s now 7). Some nights she sleeps all night, others she wakes once to join us in bed. She is now on melatonin for difficulty falling asleep. It makes such a positive difference in her moods!!!
My youngest often wakes with screaming fits that seem to be related to her dairy intake (same thing happened with first daughter too). When we remove it she sleeps a lot better.
Good luck! Sleep deprivation is HELL! I know. I’ve had it for 7 years now…
Maybe co-sleep (i.e., have her sleep with you?). I can’t remember if you’re doing this or not but this is what saved my life in terms of sleep. My daughter slept better, I could just roll over and nurse her when needed, or pat her when needed and we all slept. I can’t tell you how great it was…
Hi CR… I truly believe Lily is too little for controlled comforting. There’s nothing comforting about it at that age.. especially not for YOU! for you, it’s torture. Only thing that worked for me with my last 2 (of 3) is to sleep them on their tummies. As long as they are already lifting head and even rolling, putting them on tummy for sleeping is not a problem. It is a GODSEND.
Our little Sophie is 7 1/2 months old and generally has been a very good sleeper. Recently, though, she’s started waking up two or three times a night. I think it’s mostly developmental; she’s on the verge of crawling, which I think makes it difficult for her to sleep soundly (it’s like her little brain is just too busy to sleep). And, she’s pretty deep in the throes of separation anxiety, which doesn’t help matters!
So, we’re in the process of doing our sleep training again, which we muddled through the first time by trial and error. The main thing we learned was to put her down awake (we’d wake her up if she fell asleep while feeding – which isn’t easy to do!). We let her fuss some (for about 5 minutes; if it turns to real crying, we go to her sooner). When we go in to her room, we shush and pat her until she settles down, then tell her it’s time to go nite-nite, give her a kiss, and leave the room. We try to do the exact same thing each time. Picking her up just seems to prolong the fussing, so we try to avoid that. Usually after doing this two or three times, she goes off to sleep.
Eventually, she learned to go to sleep the first time we put her down in her crib… no fussing at all. We’re just hoping this all works again!
Most things I’ve read say that babies wake up several times a night; the trick is for them to learn how to go back to sleep on their own.
Good luck!